Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Settling in.

I got to go home Sunday afternoon. We stopped at our favorite local pizza joint on the way home, and my favorite server was there :o) I'm not really sure I'm really ready to be home yet, though... Sunday was ok, I was really tired, and didn't do a whole lot. Yesterday was hell, though.

I'm really trying not to be a spoiled brat, but it's so frustrating when I'm this tired and uncomfortable, and I can't get the help I need. I had asked Adron to heat up the oven so we could reheat our leftover pizza, and an hour later he was still sitting there. I finally got up and did it myself, and made pb&j sandwiches for Ellie and Noah. I had spent the entire morning trying to get Jonah to nurse, and it wasn't going very well at all. I finally pulled out some milk I had pumped and heated it up. I poured some in a little medicine cup, and slowly dumped it into Jonah's mouth. After about 1/2 oz., he finally decided to latch on! I was so relieved! Have I mentioned that Max never did nurse, and I always had to feed him with a little cup or a syringe? Yeah, I was a little freaked out about Jonah being the same way. I know he'd nursed fine before that, but still. I don't think the little man adapts well to change. Once the pump was primed, he hasn't had any more problems nursing, thank goodness.

I spent the majority of the day in my room crying for no good reason. Jonah slept most of the day, and barely woke up to eat (another Max flashback), so I hardly saw him. I don't think I've ever experienced such intense post partum depression this early on. Thankfully, my OB already had me on an antidepressant, knowing that I have issues with depression in the last 8 weeks of my pregnancies. I haven't been taking the full dose, as the lower dose was working just fine. Last night I upped my dose to the full level she had prescribed, and today is so much better. I'm still on the verge of tears, but it's not so bad.

Of course, I had to get up this morning and wash our sheets and blanket. The little prince has quite a knack for puking all over the place, so I slept in a puddle and woke up rather soggy this morning lol!

Today he's making up for all that sleeping yesterday - he was awake and alert for a whole hour this morning, and has nursed several times, staying awake between some feedings! That's exciting - Max never woke up to play. Of course, now that he's napping, I want to crawl back in bed, but my sheets and blanket are still in the washer lol!

Here is the little man just now - he wouldn't settle down until I tucked the blanket around him lol! Might wanna wear some shades to look at this picture ;o)


Bonnie said...

Oh shame, I can totally relate...I had severe PND after both my pregnancies. Unfortunately after the first it lasted about 8 months before I realized anything was wrong, with the second I was more aware of it and although I had if for 3 months, I was able to cope better. With my first we also had to feed him with a syringe as he wouldn't latch. Its amazing how each baby is different! I wish you all the best...

Megan B said...

I hope things are feeling better now. Hormones are a beast under the best of circumstances and I suspect you still have some MAJOR Max stress/emotions playing into all of this too.